I am
by Silvern Draco
Summary: Just something I started on, no idea what's going on with it. Featues Logan, and perhaps more if I get around to adding anything...
1. Chapter 1

WIP, not sure what all is happening and I must say this now... Gambit is actually my favorite, but for some reason, I just haven't gotten around to writting anything for him... -- Started this a while ago and haven't really done much with him, let me know what you think, maybe I'll try and write more and see what happens if I get enough interest. X-Men are not mine, the cats however, are lol

2/19/07

_It's always there…just under the surface… I can feel it, waiting, watching, pacing like the animal I am. Muscles flex, eyes flash, I feel it boiling through my blood as I pull my fist back and shift my weight, the balls of my feet digging in... In a flash of silver it's stilled for an instant, the salty smell of blood feeding the beast and satisfying it's instincts, and for a moment the animal and the man that I am are one. The snarling growl that comes from my throat is the cry of a creature not wholly man nor predator, but something in between… Logan, James, Wolverine… Weapon X… Neither and all of them describe the animal I carry inside me._

_An animal of memories and instinct, of rage and passion… an animal raised in torment and bred in cruelty by monsters who dared to call themselves human. They shaped the beast, gave life to it, even gave the damn thing his claws… He may have always been a part of me, but _**they**_ made him what he is today…_

James Howlet snorted as he shifted his weight, his arms crossing over his chest and his blue eyes narrowing as he looked out over the forest valley. Unconsciously his jaw was working and both hands were flexing as he tipped his head up towards the wind, breathing in a long deep drag of the crisp fall breeze. He was wearing a simple black shirt and jeans with cowboy boots and a worn, brown leather jacket. In his mind he kept replaying the last day's events, going over everything that had happened and wondering why.

"_Really got ta ask yourself that every time, bub…?" _With a soft snort Logan hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his jeans and looked over his shoulder. It had been three days since he had left Westchester and came out to the cabin he was staying in, and he had no idea how long he intended to stay.

_As long as you need to, Logan, don't worry about a thing. I understand, and so do the others…_

Xavier's warm, smoothing voice somehow floated to the surface of Logan's thoughts and he had to pause for a moment, the slightest of smiles touching his lips. Not even Slim had gotten on his case about taking off, "_Heh, that's when you know it's bad…"_ With another soft snort Logan shook his head and took one last glance around before heading back for his cabin, "Smells like rain…"

Then entire walk back, Logan kept his head dipped down, his hands in his pockets and worked on keeping his thoughts at bay. Not even the sound of an animal suddenly following him made Wolverine look up, he didn't have to, to know that it was Bub, _her_ fluffy light colored Siamese tomcat. For some reason Logan had taken a liking to the feline and it liked him back.

_He reminds me of you, I to have him…_

A deep sigh came from Logan and reluctantly he let his gaze wander to the cat, his jaw tight and hands flexing. The tomcat was young, a bit compact and fluffy like she seemed to like her animals, with the brightest crystal blue eyes he had ever seen on an animal before. He wore no collar, but it was obvious he was well taken care of.

_Why don't ya have a collar on that animal?_

_Right… that'd be like trying to collar _**you**

_…Wouldn't mind so much… just depends who's doin' the collaring…_

"Come here…Long walk back for a cat…" Logan murmured softly as he leaned over to scoop the cat up, placing him on his shoulders. Some reason it just seemed easier to have his small weight on him then to have the burden of having to look at the animal and the memories he represented.

Bub purred loudly at first, leaning down to sniff at the man's ear, then bump his face against him, all the while softly kneading Logan's leather jacket and curling his tail around his neck for balance. Bub could tell something was wrong and he let his purring die down, content to watch the sky and the trees as he rode on Logan's shoulders. Lena still wasn't sure about there they had come to, and she hadn't left their mistress's side once. Like most males though, Bub didn't like to stay some place he felt ineffectual and he had decided Logan had a good idea in leaving the cabin, even though the tomcat had expected something more then just a simple patrol of their territory.

"Probably shoulda brought somthin' back to eat…Eh well, still got plenty of deer left…" Absently Logan reached up, rubbing at Bub's face and ears, seeming to have heard what the other male's thoughts had been. Truth was, Logan didn't have much of an appetite, jerky and beer were fine, when he even remembered to eat.

"Hey… where did you go?" Her voice was soft and sleepy, but just the sound of it was enough to make both man and cat look up to her, surprised that she had made her way out onto the porch and had been waiting for them. She had wrapped herself up in a light blue blanket and from her scent, Logan could tell she had pulled on some of his clothes.

"Just checked the area…Bub followed. What are you doin' out of bed? Ya shouldn't be walkin'…" Logan frowned as he looked up at her, his eyes scanning her and his nose taking in her full scent. Blood and depression still clung to her as well as the faint tinge of fear. Logan had to take a breath to steady himself, almost every time he looked at her the beast inside him wanted to rage, wanted to be set free to hunt down the bastard that had done this to her.


	2. Chapter 2

Work in progress Not sure where this is going, but it's turning out to be interesting again, X-men arent mine, wish a few of them were... heh...evil smirk

"Wanted to see how far I could make it and stretch my legs a bit…" Lexi smiled a bit sheepishly at Wolverine, pulling the blanket tighter about herself with arched brows, then chuckled softly at the sight of him with her cat balanced on his shoulders, both looking up at her with startling blue eyes and worried expressions on their faces. For a long moment she simply watched them both, her memories wandering. He was so different now, calmer, though still possessed the volatile temper and haunted eyes, that restlessness she figured he would always have. _That's something that's never going to change… it's who he is…_

_Then again, who am I to speak? Weapon X made us both what we are… _The young woman cleared her throat softly, her head dipping down as she licked her lips a little, a frown creasing her brow. They hadn't been in the program at the same time, hell, the program had been NAMED after him. No, she'd come later, several years after he had escaped. She knew Logan carried an unneeded amount of guilt over what had happened to her, he had known her family, been accepted by her Pride when he'd wandered into their territory and saved one of their own from a rival Clan attack. It was just another thing he wasn't ever going to be able to let go of, another reason he'd hold to hate himself when he needn't.

Without thinking she moved forward a little, a hand reaching out to lay on his chest and as her palm rested flat against him, a dark aura of what looked to be wavering fire mist, shimmered around her fingers, pulsating in beat with Logan's heart as she watched it.

A startled snort came from Wolverine as he watched her and he grunted a bit, pulling his head back, his eyes moving down to watch her hand, but for some reason he didn't stop her, even though he knew what she was doing. Only after several moments and when he realized the look on her face, did he gently pull her hand away from him, shaking his head as he murmured, "_Still tryin' ta cleanse my soul… _Aura_?"_

"Mmm..." Lexi's eyes were closed as she sighed, her hand balling into a fist as she shivered hard, as if she were pain then very slowly she smirked, blinking as she looked at him, "…Can't blame me for trying…it is my mutation… add to that my priestess training from my Pride… what can I say, its in my nature…"

"Heh, _Priestess training…_Still sounds funny…A mutant Priestess… who just happens to be a werecat…" Logan smirked more, his eyes sparkling as he watched her and he moved up onto the porch, still holding her hand. Lexi's Pride had taken him in, let him run with them as one of their own. He'd never imagined werewolves and werecats existed, but then again, he was a mutant with a set of metal claws, who was he to say what was supposed to be fictional. Even the Prof had been a little surprised at the revelation when he'd brought Lex in, but only a little.

"You know what my Pride is like, very into the traditional ways of life, we just also happen to be one of the oldest Prides in the 'New World'…" Aura laughed softly, arching a brow as she watched Logan and tried to ignore how close he was to her. Because of her mutation, she was able to siphon off other's negative energy, cleanse them somewhat, but depending on what she wanted to do, she could also use that against them, taking it into herself and focusing it, utilizing it to form attacks of pure negative emotion and energy that was fueled by the person it came from. She could stun most people, overwhelm them with the entirety of all their own negative emotions and in the most extreme cases, even knock them out or induce a coma by overwhelming their psyche. Even snapping their sanity if they were weak enough…

Her training as a Priestess had helped her greatly in honing her mutation, before she had learned how to control her powers, she'd been forced to stay away from others, like the mutant Rouge, she hadn't been able to touch anyone, her powers automatically kicking in and drawing out all their negative energy, nothing bad for them, but she hadn't learned how to filter, to let go of the energy in a positive way and had ended up hurting herself and sometimes others when her powers had overloaded and the energy released all at once in an unfocused violent eruption.

Logan sometimes triggered her powers without her being able to stop it, she wasn't sure what it was about him, but whenever he was around, she couldn't help but want to touch him, to draw out the excess of energy she could feel, sometimes even see that constantly radiated from him and clung to him like a blanket of solid emotion. She knew it was relief for him when she did, but he never allowed her to do it for very long, he was one of the few people that actually still hurt her whenever she tried to cleanse them.

"Yeah, yeah…I know…spiritual leader and healer…guess ya would kinda see me as a challenge…" Softly he snorted, chuckling as he shrugged a bit, his voice low, with just a lightest brushing of bitterness to it, but it hadn't been meant as anything against her, a lot of people had tried to help him and if anyone could, it was probably someone like her. He just didn't see it as a possibility…

"Not a challenge, Logan…the most I can do is bring out the energy, it's a temporary fix…just helps, un-clutter you emotionally… but I can't heal you… It's something only you can… I can just guide you, help relive some of the stress and pressure of having bottled it all up for so long, I can't give you realizations, or 'inner peace of awareness', whatever you want to call it…" Aura murmured as she watched him, her voice somehow changing slightly, taking on a soft, soothing tone as her Priestess training kicked in. Her Pride had roots in Ireland, when her ancestors had moved to the new world, they had intermarried and mated with Native American mortals and weres, adopting and intermingling the Native American and what would become known as Wiccan, beliefs.

For a long moment the two watched each other, silent in their own contemplations of one another before finally Aura dipped her head down, smiling with a chuckle before stepping back from him and wincing only a little at the pain in her legs and back. "Damn silver buckshot…They're getting crueler…"

"Come on, you need to rest, you shouldn't be out here…" With a frown Logan scooped her up easily, ignoring Bub as the cat jumped down from his shoulders and looked up at the pair. Growling softly Wolverine tried to keep his emotions in check, grinding his jaw just a little as he kicked the door open and walked in with Lexi in his arms. He knew how easily she seemed to pick up on his energy.


	3. Chapter 3

Logan stood up, rubbing at the back of his neck a bit hesitantly and awkwardly as he looked down at Lexi. He had tucked her into his favorite easy chair after her vehement rejection of being placed back into bed, saying she's spent enough time there and didn't want to be closeted away in his bedroom…

"Really aint much of anything out here for ya, don't have a TV or even a radio, come out here to get away from people…Ya hungry? I can bring ya some food; you really should be resting after…" He trailed off, frowning as he thought about the night he'd found her, what she'd looked like and he shuddered, thankful for her healing as a werecat. Anyone else would have died hell she almost HAD died, if it hadn't been for Jean…

"I could eat something…Logan…_hey_…" Aura arched her brows as she watched him, a little surprised that he was still so affected by her attack. Somehow she had managed to make her way to the school, she'd been in the states visiting family after having been abroad traveling with a few other Pride members, making a few spiritual side trips and checking up on other Prides they were friendly with. The attack had happened on a new moon, it had taken everyone by surprise, and her own brother had been wounded horribly trying to protect her… Taken several silver buckshot rounds to the back at close range. He'd be scarred for life…

Flashes of that night flooded her brain, fire, screams, the frightening sounds of shotguns and rifles being cocked and fired echoed in her head and she could hear the distant voice of her brother screaming at her to get down. One, two shotgun blasts resounded and everything went silent, Etan was falling as she turned her head, then a blinding pain struck her.

"…_Lex_…Come on! Hey, focus!" Logan was leaning down over her, gently shaking her shoulder, his face pale as he recognized the vacant and haunted glaze that was filling her eyes. Aura couldn't remember exactly what had happened that night, or how she'd even managed to make it to the school, why she would have left her brother the way she had. Only a few times since he'd brought her here had she seemed to have flash backs, remember bits of what happened to her and the few others she'd been traveling with.

"…_I'm alright…" _Very softly her voice came and she blinked, her eyes wide, tear brimmed as she took a second to stare off at nothing, then forced a small smile as she looked to Logan. He was kneeling beside her now, a large hand cupping the side of her face as he peered at her, his other resting on her knee and up on his shoulder once more was Bub, staring at her with eyes that were just a big and concerned.

For a long moment no one said anything, Logan just watched her with dark eyes, his hand gently holding the side of her face and his thumb lightly stroking her jaw. He knew she was lying, they had known each other too long for either one of them to be able to lie to the other, but he didn't press it, when she was ready she'd start to talk, he also knew it was going to take time… Years of living with repressed memories had taught him at least one thing: You can't force them, or yourself to remember…

"_The mind is a very fragile thing, Logan; you can not simply open it up like a child's toy box and expect to find what you're looking for inside…" Xavier sighed heavily as he watched the agitated Wolverine pacing in front of his desk, his head tipped down and his hands steepled in front of him._

"_Logan, I told you once already. No, Professor Xavier forbids it, I won't go poking around in your mind anymore, you remember what happened last time." Jean shook her head, looking over her shoulder, but not looking directly at Logan, her head slightly down. She was ashamed, Logan felt responsible, he had been the one to talk the young woman into trying where Charles Xavier himself had failed, or refused…_

"_They're only doing what's best for you Logan, if your mind chose to lock your memories away… there's a reason, if you try to pry them out before you're ready…" Storm frowned as she watched him, her arms crossing as she turned away from the small potted iris she had been watering and the miniature thunderstorm dissipating as Logan refused to look her in the eye._

"… I suppose if anyone could, it'd be you who'd be best equipped to deal with this sorta thing…" Logan murmured softly, his eyes swirling with the memories of his last few days at Xavier's. He wasn't proud of what he'd done, how he'd acted towards those that had let him into their lives, into their family they had built, but without hesitation they had taken in one of his, helped out without any question even after he'd been gone without so much as a word for over three weeks… Lex had turned up the night he'd gotten back, he hadn't even been able to work up the courage to find Jennie and tell her he was sorry for how he'd snapped at her. And here he was again, gone, with only a silent nod to those he hadn't been able to properly thank.

"They know, Logan…You don't have to say a word…" Aura shook her head as she watched him, smiling ever so slightly. She knew what was bothering him, what had been bothering him for awhile, she'd been able to wheedle it out of him after a few days of being here, though she really hadn't needed to, she already knew, she had only done it to help Logan, "They all care about you a great deal, you've found good people and a good place…"

"…_Yeah…Guess I have_…" After a moment, Logan smiled, looking up into her eyes, his jaw working as he struggled with himself to keep speaking, to say everything that was bothering him, how he felt he owed the X-men more then he'd ever be able to repay, the apologizes he wanted to voice. How he desperately wanted to make things better for Jennie because of his own actions and how scared he was of the animal he kept locked away inside, the thing that fed his fears and loosed the rage he couldn't control. But all he could do was stare into Aura's knowing eyes…


End file.
